As a man it is my wish to help women come to understand what men truly want from a relationship since they may be confused by men being less verbal concerning their needs and values. Many women have a mistaken idea about men, thinking that we are all beer-drinking skirt-chasers filled to the brim with profane words who solve our problems with foul language or our fists.

Actually, most men are not the foul-mouthed idiots they are portrayed to be in sitcoms, and they deeply resent being tarred and feathered by the media and many opinionated women who cannot resist thinking in stereotypes. Men are not like that at all. Many are kind, considerate, empathic, charitable and loving people who really care about others and are extremely supportive of their wives or female companions. Very few are so self-interested that there is no time in their lives for the needs of others. In fact, many men enjoy being able to be of service to the social and cultural needs of society. It is only a very few who give men a poor reputation.

What attracts a woman to a man? Like men, women want the opposite sex to pay attention to who they are and respond to that idea. Men also need acknowledgement and respect from women for who they are and what they have done in their lives. Of course, men or women who care only for themselves do not disserve the acknowledgement they crave from others. It seems only natural that relationships should be symmetrical with a healthy give and take and with both partners contributing 110 percent or more to the liaison.

Men want women to respect what they have accomplished and are willing to do in the service of a close relationship. Women need to feel safe, and men want to take care of women. A man does not resist paying for a date as long as the woman is not merely using him as a "meal-ticket". There is a nasty name for women who do that to a man. The divorce laws have perverted the relationship between a man and a woman by forcing the man to pay and pay even when the woman makes more money, has fewer expenses and accepts less responsibility than the man. All interactions pertaining to any relationship should be reasonably symmetrical, rather that drastically one-sided. This debacle was caused by laws in favor of the "women's lib" movement and directly in response to irresponsible men who had never supported their families in the first place. This has absolutely nothing to do with removing the "Glass Ceiling" and replacing it with equal pay for equal work.

Since men and women physically are in effect "different" races appearance-wise, how is it that they are so attracted to each other? In a "normal" loving relationship, both partners should do their very best to make the partnership work smoothly and without any hitches. To that end, many men, having exemplary ethics, do their absolute best for the woman to whom they have sworn that mighty bonding oath of marriage. Most women, when loved and cared for like that, will respond in kind, for it is natural and quite comfortable to create a reciprocal, balanced relationship between lovers.

Some men have great difficulty expressing love because they are unable to allow themselves to appear vulnerable to a woman. They most probably need to learn how to love themselves first, without living a lie based on muscle and pretending to be strong when they really are of a weak or fearful character. Many men of this kind mistakenly believe that their muscle is more powerful than their brain, and their answer to all challenges is a combative one resulting in injury to all parties involved. This is what is known as an "Id Reaction" The Id, in Freudian psychoanalytic parlance, is thought to be the part of the psyche that is unconscious and the source of instinctive, emotion-based impulses and drives. Also known as the "Cave Man Within," this part of the human mind is reactionary and lacks empathy for another's feelings. Many women have suffered the physical impact of this very combative aspect of the male reaction to mere verbal assault.

The Id Reaction is not confined to the male sex. Many women feel that it is OK to slap a man's face or kick him where he is most vulnerable, but this seldom occurs when they feel at risk of getting punched in return. Men who are more gentlemanly sometimes get pushed around by women who have expressive issues that they think can be resolved by physically attacking. What men really want in these sorts of situations is a woman who can empathize with their feelings, rather than one who sets emotional "land mines". Both sexes need to feel safe; otherwise, they cannot ever be vulnerable to each other. Vulnerability takes great courage, but leads to the possibility of the closest communication between both parties.

Nic East