I have just put to rest the last item of the home where my husband grew up. It was built over fifty-five years ago by my husband’s father and mother.

There is no right or wrong way to care for decades of personal belongings of a loved one. All I can say is from my own experience of doing this for my father upon his death, and my mother-in-law upon moving into assisted living, some advanced planning is necessary. Whoever takes care of personal effects has a responsibility—and only one opportunity to do it well.

It may be uncomfortable to discuss the future with an aging relative. If they will be moving to assisted living, they will need to downsize—to get rid of items and their years of memories. If they are open to such a discussion, that may be the best way to start.

It is much easier when the person is still living, rather than when you are caught up in the emotion of their loss, when in despair, you may dispose of things that later you think back on and regret. A dialogue involving their wishes now may bring to light some pretty amazing life stories that you were not aware of.

Those who are capable and If you take the time to go through the items in their homes carefully with those who are capable, the discoveries can help. you gain a better appreciation of who they are or were, and what they found most important.

Look for items that have monetary value or sentimental value for you. For instance, our outdoor fountain now includes an old troll, some ceramic frogs, an iron plant stand, and two antique fence pieces. As I now look at my garden and go through some of their old photo albums, I can see how important farming and gardening were to both my mother- and father-in-law.

Consider who else was important in their life, and what items may have special meaning for them. My husband's cousin shares a love for cats with my mother-in-law; so I set everything aside for her that involves cats, i.e., stationery, magnets, knickknacks, and even a stuffed animal kitty.

When my father passed away, my husband and my brothers and their wives and children helped my mom downsize the farm of almost forty years that she and my dad built and that we were raised on. Even with a dozen family members helping, I look back and remember special things that were disposed of or taken to a yard sale that can never be recovered.

Consider others that you know who may have a good use or need for something. My sister-in-law’s fifty-year-old white Princess bedroom set is now the bedroom set of a little girl we know. Goodwill, rather than a dumpster, will take items you cannot find a home for.

The most amusing story from this event is about a set of mounted Texas Longhorns that I saved from the dumpster. A week later, a friend spotted them in our garage and asked if he could mount them on his truck. He promised to have a photograph taken of him wearing a cowboy hat in front of his truck decorated with those horns. On our next visit to my mother-in-law we plan to share that picture.

Diane Luicana