Dear Suzi,

I am having trouble with one of my friends. She has been being really secretive and has been going through a lot right now.

I just found out that she has been cutting herself to relieve the pain from what she is going through. I asked her if she wanted to talk about what is going on but she doesn’t seem to want to talk about everything and keeps saying that everything is fine.

Will you please help me figure out how to help her?

“Scars on My Arm”

Dear Scars on My Arm:

One of our college-age volunteers is here and I asked her to share how she would respond to you.

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Dealing with friends that cut or self-injure themselves can be very difficult for anyone. Most people don’t know exactly what to do for them.

One of the first things that you need to do is to get your friend to open up to you or someone else she can trust about her issues. The fact that she is cutting herself is only part of the issue; there is a bigger problem that is hiding under the surface that you need to get to first.

One out of every two hundred girls 13 to 19 years of age is cutting herself, and that number is climbing every day. You need to make sure that your friend understands that you are there for her and that you are not going to judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Help her understand that Hope is out there and that her life is worth fighting for because there are people in this world that love her.

Love can be one of the strongest things you can give anyone. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves and those around us that love does not keep track of our wrongs, never stops hoping, never gives up, and never comes to an end.

I want to talk to you about an organization that has some great stories about friends that have been depressed and suicidal and what they have done to help them. To Write Love on Her Arm is an amazing organization. They talk about the value of everyone’s life and what they have done to help a friend with their problems. The web site is www.twloha.com.

Finally, I am going to talk to you about personal issues that I have dealt with. In my junior year of college, one of my sorority sisters came to me and told me that she had tried to kill herself. She had come to me because she knew that I would help her with her issue and wouldn’t judge her.

I convinced her that she needed to talk to a counselor about her issues, and talk to her parents about getting help, she moved back home and finished college from home.

One of the hardest things for me was dealing with the fact that she depended on me and I did not want to let her down.

I encourage you to talk to your friend about her issues and get her to open up to those that can help her and that she trusts. Good luck with everything and remember that God loves you and is always there with you even though you feel alone.

Patricia

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I think that Patricia’s advice is excellent and I hope it is helpful.

Suzi